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"No, Bart, sweetheart. There's a Nishitsu corporate jet waiting for you at
Burbank Airport. That producer you met in Tokyo, what's his name? Sounds like
a Greek sandwich shop."
"jJro something."
"That's him. He wants you in Yuma by noon."
"Yuma! Tell him no way. I spent three days in Japan with those Nishitsu guys.
They gave me the creeps, always bowing and scraping and asking me where I
bought my shoes and if they were for sale. They were so polite I wanted to
punch them."
"Yuma isn't in Japan. It's in Arizona."
"Why do they want me there?"
"That's where you're filming. They've been scouting locations since you got
back."
"This is a freaking Christmas movie. It's set in Chicago. "
"I guess this is one of the changes they made."
"They can't film Johnny's Christmas Spirit in Arizona."
"Why not?" Shawn said in a reasonable tone. "They filmed Star Wars in Southern
California. Looked like outer space to me."
"It doesn't snow in Arizona," Bronzini said acidly. "They don't have
evergreens. They have cacti. What are they gonna do? Decorate the cacti?"
"Don't cacti have needles too?"
"Don't you fucking start, Shawn!"
"Okay, okay. Look, talk to them. Straighten it out. But they need you to
smooth things over. They're having trouble with the Yuma Chamber of Commerce
or something. It's about film permits and work rules."
"What am I, head of the local? Have them take it up with the union."
"Uh, they don't want to do that, for some reason."
"What do they mean? I'm the star, not the shop steward. This is a union movie,
isn't it?"
"Of course it is, Bart," Shawn said plaeatingly. "These are major, major
people. They're looking for a piece of the U. S. film industry. No way they're
not union."
"Good, because if this isn't a union production, I'd back out right now."
"Can't."
"Why not?"
"They got your name on the contract. Remember?"
"So let them sue."
"That's the problem. They will. And they'd win, because they'll try it in a
Japanese court. They're big, a mega-corporation. They could clean you out. No
more polo ponies, no more Renoirs. They'd probably bag you for your comic-book
collection if they find out about it." Bartholomew Bronzini was silent for a
long time. Before he could speak, his agent spoke up.
"You know what they'd do if you backed out. They'd turn around and give the
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part to Schwarzenegger."
"No chance!" Bronzini exploded. "That side of beef couldn't cut it in my
Christmas movie. He's the only actor in the world who steps on his own
lines."
"No argument there. But let's not let ft get to that. Okay? Burbank Airport.
The jet's waiting." Bartholomew Bronzini hung up the phone with so much force
that Donald Duck's beak fell off.
The Nishitsu jet was waiting for him when Bronzini pulled up on his Harley
Davidson. A white-coated Japanese steward stood meekly by the door. He pulled
it open from the top, exposing a flight of plush steps.
The steward bowed quickly when Bronzini dismounted.
"Konnichi wa, Bronzini san," he said with a tight smile.
The smile fell off when Bronzini began pushing his motorcycle up the plush
steps. "No, Bronzini san. "Where I go, my bike goes," growled Bronzini. He
pushed the bike up as easily as if it were a ten-speed and not a monster
Harley.
The steward followed him up, and as Bronzini leaned the bike against a
bulkhead, he pulled up the staircase door. The engines immediately began
warming up.
When the Nishitsu jet landed at Yuma International Airport slightly more than
sixty minutes later, the Japanese steward lowered the ramp stairs manually and
jumped out of the way while the maniac American actor piloted his bouncing
motorcycle down it at full speed.
Bartholomew Bronzini hit the tarmac with a bump, nearly wiping out. He
recovered, dismounted, and walked the bike up to the Nishitsu corporate van,
gunning the engine impatiently while the unhappy face which he recognized as
Jiro Isuzu peered out of the side window with horrified eyes.
Finally Isuzu slid open the door and stepped out. "Bronzini san. Good of you
to come."
"Save the soap," Bronzini said. "And it's plain Bronzini. So what's the
problem?"
"Shooting start in two day. We have much to do."
"Two days!"
"Production on tight shooting schedule. Must hurry. Wirr you come now.
Prease?"
"Lead the way," Bronzini said, kicking the bike stand up. "This is bogus."
A brief flash of anger showed in Jiro Isuzu's eyes. For a moment the Japanese
looked as if he were going to say something, but he only bobbed his head
repeatedly and slid the van's side door closed.
Bronzini followed the van into the city. His initial impression of Yuma was
that it was flat. The highway leading into town was dotted with fast-food
restaurants and discount stores. He saw very few cacti.
But when they turned into a residential area, several stubby cholla cacti
decorated front yards. Most homes had Christmas decorations up. But to
Bronzini, the warm desert air and lack of snow made it seem not like Christmas
at all.
"How the hell are they going to film a Christmas movie in this godforsaken
place?" he muttered as he passed a Pueblo-style home with the inevitable
flagstone patio. There was a cow skull by the front door. It wore a Santa
Claus cap.
Bronzini was still turning the question over in his mind when the van pulled
up to Yuma City Hall. "What are we doing here?" he demanded of Jiro when the
latter emerged from the van.
"We have appointment with mayor. I told him you would come. Now, forrow,
prease."
"The mayor?" Bronzini muttered. "I hope this isn't another key-to-the-city
deal. I already got enough to open up a store."
Basil Cloves had been mayor of Yuma for nearly six years. He was very proud of
his city, which was one of the fastest-growing desert communities in the
West.
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He was proud of its three TV stations, its important military bases, and its
crystal pure air.
He would never knowingly surrender it to a foreign aggressor.
But when his press secretary ushered in representatives of the Nishitsu Film
Corporation, who were accompanied by the world's number-one film superstar,
Bartholomew Bronzini, he broke into a baby-kissing smile.
"Mr. Bronzini!" he gushed, taking Bronzini's hand in both of his. "Wonderful
of you to come. I've seen every one of your movies." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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